As a post partum doula and parent of apotty trained 22 month-old, I often get asked for tips on potty training. Afterhelping handfuls of children learn to use the potty over the years, I'vedeveloped these fairly simple steps to follow when teaching your child.
I recommend that you begin to think abouthelping your child become familiar with the toilet and potty around the timethey become mobile (usually between 7 and 9 months). As I say below, the moretime your tot has around their potty seat/chair the more comfortable they willbe when it comes time to use it.
For older children (24 months and up)this method will also work. You will simply need more time for build-up andless time for step number 6 because you have a child with more advanced reasoningskills. And you don't need to resort to bribes or treats aftereach trip to the potty either. Attaching a reward to something that theyhave to do anyway adds in a power struggle that you simply don't need. It isreward enough to be a "big kid" who doesn't wear diapers anymore andget a hug or high-five from Mom or Dad. If you set up a reward system for whatare in essence daily life tasks, children will begin to expect to get something anytime they're asked todo something. If instead you simply make these daily life tasks (like cleaningup their toys or later clearing their dishes from the table) expected you willsave yourself a lot of grief and help shape your kids into helpful, thoughtfulhuman beings. Save rewards for special occasions when your child has workedespecially hard at something but isn't expecting anything in return. It makesthe reward that much more exciting and the effect much more long-lasting.
Below I've listed the steps to helpingyour child learn to use the potty. Remember it takes time and patience to learna new skill, so don't rush your child. Each one is unique and will get thereeventually. These techniques will work for both boys and girls. However thereis some evidence that boys may take longer to learn to poop on the potty thangirls. If you think your child is ready and begin to make the transition but itbecomes clear that the child feels uneasy or is not intellectually ready tomake the switch remain at step 3 until you notice a change in interest orability. Remember, be patient....
Simple Steps toHelping Your Toddler Learn to Use the Potty
1. Look, listen and wait forsigns of readiness: more often than not toddlers willexpress very clear signs that they are ready and excited to learn to use thepotty, but just as often parents overlook, misinterpret or simply don'trecognize these signs. Here's what to look for:
2. Get some books from thelibrary: I'm not talking about parenting how-to books;I'm talking about books for your tot to read both on the pot and off. Byreading about other kids using the potty (and having accidents) it demystifiesthe whole situation. And, when kids are just learning they may need to sit andwait for quite some time before anything actually "happens". Afew of our favorites are:
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| Our favorite potty chair. |
4. Let your tot pick out theirnew underwear: This simple step of ownership will helpthem want to wear their undies over their diapers. It also provides you with aclean break from diaper wearing. It is helpful to prep for this outing a fewdays before by saying, "Soon we willgo to the store and you will help me pick out your very own underwear. Whenpeople wear underwear they use the potty to go pee and poop. You're a biggirl/boy now and you can use the potty, too!" Repeat the last partoften. Once they make the switch to underwear it is VERY important not toconfuse them by going back and forth between diapers and undies. By making theswitch to underwear 100% you are saying to your tot "I believe inyou", "You can do it" and all sorts of other supportive things.Forcing your child back into diapers can cause setbacks and anxiety for thechild. It is confusing for them to be told “use the potty”, one day then “poopin your pants” the next. If you were just learning the rules of life, you'd beconfused too.
5. Get some pull-ups for napsand nighttime: I know I just said going back and forthbetween diapers and underwear, BUT if you differentiate between diapers andpull-ups then you can be successful and not have to deal with changing thesheets in the middle of the night. Pull-ups are different from other disposablediapers in two major ways, 1) they don't hold much and 2) they keep your kid’sbutt feeling wet. Once your tot is used to going to the potty before naps andbedtime regularly (and you're not pumping them full of drinks at dinner time)you will have more and more dry sleeping-times and will be able to phase out thepull-ups altogether. My daughter actually decided she “No need it” atnaptime when she was confident that she could hold it through naptime. If theymake this assertion, believe them and allow for accidents to happen.
6. Pick a week/end, stay home,roll up the rugs and let your kid go naked: This is really thebig shift period. You will no longer be using diapers and you're working ongetting your child to recognize their own body signals. The trick here istwo-fold (and you have to find out what works better for your individualchild): have potty time at regularly increasing intervals (increasing over aperiod of days). You can either: a) ask your child if they need to use thepotty (and then believe them if they say no) or b) require them to sit on the potjust to try (and not force them to stay there if it's clear they're not goingto go). With both of these methods you will have accidents (remember that Itold you to roll up your rugs?), but here's the deal: you MUST LABEL what ishappening when it is happening. For example, Johnny is playing blocks and youcome in a say, "Hey buddy do you need to use the potty?" He's busyplaying and says "No." A minute or two later you see pee streamingdown his legs. You then say, "You are going pee. See it coming out? Let'sgo sit on the potty and see if you can put the rest in there." You thenwhisk Johnny to the potty regardless of whether or not he finished his pee onthe floor. You then say, (and this will become your mantra) "Pee/Poop goesinto the potty, not on the floor. When you feel pee/poop coming you need to siton the potty. Ok?" It is also important to have the child see you clean upthe mess, but NOT to make a big deal or get angry or frustrated. You will becleaning up a lot of messes as your child learns, so just get over yourself andhave some old towels and cleaning spray handy. Let me say that again, DO NOTGET ANGRY OR FRUSTRATED IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILD when they have an accident.Reiterate that learning to use the pottyis hard and everyone has accidents. It's NO BIG DEAL. Then clean them upand move on.
7. Make using the potty beforeoutings and before leaving anywhere routine: This is prettyself-explanatory. Before getting into the car or leaving the grocery store,say, "It's potty time before we leave," then plop them on the pot.It's mandatory and will eventually become routine. If you're just comingout of your week/end seclusion, make your trips short (under 45 min) and ensurethere will be a restroom where you're going. Another great trick is to take thepotty chair along in the back of the car. In warm weather you can place it inthe rear of your car or trunk. In colder weather putting it on the floor of thebackseat is a great option for keeping tiny tushies warm. Just be sure to keepsome wipes and something to clean out the potty (I kept a small bottle ofdisinfectant wipes and a plastic bag with the potty) so that after you dump thecontents in the gutter (for solids you should put it in a plastic bag and flushit when you get home) you can dry the potty. Either way, you've always got anoption.
8. Remember, accidents willhappen: Really, truly, this is inevitable. Accidentshappen no matter how old your child is when they learn to use the potty. Justlike everything else in life, it takes practice. There are times that may bemore accident-prone, for example when you have house guests, around busyholidays, any type of major change in routine, having another baby, or evenjust on days when you happen to be busier than usual.
In the Chicago Area and having trouble ditching thediapers? For more help and personalized assistance,please visit www.emilyarobb.com to set up an in-homeconsultation.
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